Blog #2

So today I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing and playing the laugh of the joker. without looking at the contact ID or even opening my eyes, I rummage for my phone and quickly answer and place the phone to my ear, answering with a grunt i quickly realize the person on the other line sniffling... like she was crying or woke up ill. I quickly sat up and asked if they were okay. not knowing what the reason for sniffling was for she responds with a raspy and congested voice as if she was crying for hours before. all I could make out was "please" and a few words later "help". we talking things out and I was successful helping her. but when the phone call was over I realize what an asshole us guys can be, and how this makes other guys seem. Don't get me wrong i know guys are rude, neglectful to be honest the list is never-ending... but the thing i hate most is when people just assume that all guys are like that... sure everyone has there days where one word turns you but honestly not all guys will be like that. the girl on the phone was telling me how her boyfriend was being a ass and all these other fun words... she was telling me how he was on his phone half of the time when they were supposed to be having their cuddle day listening as the rain pounds on the roof and watching as the rain races each other down the windowsill. I thought to myself... if that was me I would take advantage of that moment.. not many people get the chance at stuff like that.. cuddling when it rains. often I think well wish I had someone to cuddle with. I want someone to kiss in the rain someone who wont make fun of me for liking movies like the notebook or someone to marathon doctor who with even thought we've seen it an endless amount of times. someone to look at and blush when she looks back. someone who even after seeing each other and hanging out with each other a million times, the sight of her still gives me butterflies. someone who I can love, argue with, trust, talk to, care for, and spend endless hours with each other during the summer and still be able to make each time great. someone who I can have a fight with no matter how big or how small but still knows I love them and I don't really mean what I say. someone who understands i don't always think what I say through but still loves me anyway. I'm honestly not a bad guy. sure i'm not the best looking or the most athletic..... I wish I was, because that seems to be the only guy girls like... the only things about me girls ever seem to like is that i'm caring, loving, helpful, someone they can count on.. but the one thing that apparently matters most that i lack is physical stuff like looks.... it kills me because I know for that reason i'll never be the first choice nor second nor third.... it'll be like when you are in gym or playing sports with your friends and your waiting for someone to pick you but you never actually end up getting picked your always forced to go on one team because you were the last person.

slowly each day I just give up and accept that ill never be hers...

Those who i once cared for or tried to show i cared pick me dry and leave nothing but my bare skeleton.